On a recent trip, my boyfriend and I were out to dinner when he said, “You know, I think this trip has been good for us. I’ve fallen in love with you all over again.” That sentiment is just so sweet, and shows that he always knows how to make my heart melt.
It is a great reminder on National Inner Beauty Day that while looks are a nice bonus, they aren’t everything. I’m going to say that since being in this relationship, I’ve put on about twenty pounds and a lot of my clothes don’t fit anymore. There is a significant height difference between us, and as good looking as my boyfriend is, that’s not what attracted me to him. So what is it that we fell in love with that is beyond skin-deep? Keep reading to find out.
The Deepest Kindness
Okay, while my boyfriend noticed me because of my looks, that’s not why I noticed him. If you’re a regular here, you already know the story, but for those of you who are new, I noticed him because of his heart.
We were at a party where it started to rain, and he was the only one who brought an umbrella. When the party was over, no one had to ask him to walk everyone to the buses; he just did it, back and forth from the venue to the buses, every girl and their date. It was so kind that when he walked me over, I suggested that we be friends.
In our time getting to know each other, that kindness is the seed that planted our relationship. I like to think that he loves me for the same reasons, but that is definitely one of the things I love about him.
A Friend & Confidant
I know that everyone groans about being stuck in the friend zone, but in my experience, being friends first has offered us a strong foundation. I’m also the one who friend-zoned my boyfriend, so it really surprised me when things moved beyond that.
But the best thing about falling in love with your friend is that you see all the sides of them. When I would go on dates, I would put my best self out there, so when things came up later, it was like it came from nowhere. However, with my friends, I’ve always been open and vulnerable. Especially with my now-boyfriend, we met when I was going through a hard time, so he got to see a lot of who I am before deciding that he wanted to pursue things further.
He got to hear all about it, and it helped him see how I processed my emotions in hard situations. And I think it helped our relationship, because when we hit a bump in the road, there is a part of him that understands how I am processing the situation. He doesn’t always love it, but he understands it. And that’s something I love about him and our relationship.
The Best Support
I used to think that I wanted someone with their own ambitions, but I think having found a great support system is better.
When he hated his job, I was there to help him get through it and to help him find a new job. Now he travels so much with his new job, and I hold down the house while he’s away. I make sure he comes back to a clean home with food on the table. I also try not to complain about how much I miss him when he’s gone, because even though I know it’s hard for both of us, I know we both need to work.
Sometimes, I still feel like my career is up in the air. And even when I doubt myself, and question my ability, Asanti is always there to support me. He offers solutions, and reminds me that I can’t control everything, but success will come so long as I put in the work. It definitely is helpful for me to have him when I’m experiencing heavy waves of impostor syndrome.
While I thought ambition was sexy, it is way more intimate to have someone support me through everything and be patient with me. And I’m going to tell you right now that my boyfriend is my sexiest man alive.
The Unexpected
I know everyone has a checklist of what they want in a partner, and I am going to say throw it out. I am not what my boyfriend expected from a life partner, and I have forgotten what was on my list since falling in love. Something beautiful comes from all the moments of surprise. That is probably why we have a tradition of going on surprise dates together, because it keeps things really fresh in our relationship.
There are so many possibilities in the unknown. While it can be scary, there is also something beautiful that can come from it. Like while I confessed to him about being afraid of not being able to be loved by someone else, I wasn’t expecting him to embrace me and say that he wanted to try it anyway. That unexpected, intimate moment was very important to our foundation.
A Caretaker
When we were talking about the moment we knew we were in love with each other, Asanti’s answer is that he knew when he had his first wisdom teeth removed. Why? Because he realized how good I was at taking care of him. We were in college at the time, and both of us were on a college budget. While I didn’t take him to his appointment, I came over right after work to take care of him for the evening.
He asked me to bring some things, like medication, ice packs, and food. So I made some soup, bought a medicine cabinet’s worth of medicine, and bought frozen vegetables for him to ice his face. It was long term thinking on my part, because I knew he could then cook with the vegetables once he was healed. It’s something that his mom remembers to this day.
It wasn’t something that I did just to try and win him over, it’s just something in my personality. On this trip that he talked about falling back in love with me, he mentioned how he wanted cereal one late night. The next day, I ran to the store and picked some up along with some things that I needed. He also reciprocates, so it is something that goes both ways.
Are you looking to get cuffed this cuffing season? What do you look for in a life partner? If you’re in a solid relationship, what would you say has been essential to the success of your relationship? I would love to know in the comments down below!
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Love Always,
Kristi My
Kristi My Dao 