If you asked me 3 years ago if I would take sexy photos of myself, I would’ve laughed in your face.
Not because there is anything wrong with it, but I think there was a part of myself that was very self-conscious about my body. Growing up, I was constantly criticized about the way I looked, so I think the reaction of laughing comes from a self-defense mechanism. In a way, I would laugh at myself before you could laugh at the idea.
And yet, I booked a session a year ago. Since the session itself and seeing my results over a week ago, I am so happy that I took the time to commemorate the person I am now and celebrate the person I am before my quarter-life crisis can kick in. Keep reading to learn all about my experience with Lovely in Lace by Sivan and whether or not I would do it again.
The Night Before…
I booked my session a year ago knowing that I would be in town for Valentine’s Day, which would be easier than commuting an hour plus on the morning of the shoot. I preemptively took the day off and went to breakfast and got a pedicure with a friend of mine. Because I was with my friend, I didn’t say anything to the nail technician, who had no idea that I understood when she said in her native tongue, “That one is an ugly one, isn’t she?”
And yes, I’m sure she was talking about me, and no, I didn’t call her out because I didn’t want to make a scene. I left feeling insecure in how I looked, and yet I still felt obligated to tip her as I left. She spoke to an insecurity that I had, because I hadn’t lost the weight I wanted in the year I had planned this out. Worse, I had put off shopping and I wasn’t sure I liked the pieces I had picked out.
To top it off, I had booked a 7 course meal for that evening, because it was Valentine’s Day. Then I struggled to fall asleep, which made me worry about whether or not I would look as tired as I felt in the morning. I thought it was a saving grace that my session included professional hair and makeup…
Day-of: Getting Ready
Let me say that I wish I owned a garment bag, because I tried to carry my clothes in on hangers, but because lingerie doesn’t really hold on to things very well… Long story short, stuff started falling off the second I shut my car door. Good thing I also had a duffle bag to carry my things.
When I walked in, Marie greeted me and helped me settle in. She was in charge of my hair and make-up, which took about an hour and some time to do. While it was early in the morning, I would say that I was a bit tense and nervous, so I tried to talk to her. I don’t know if it helped or hindered her, but it was certainly nice talking to her, and she did tell me if I was making it harder for her to do her work. Once hair and makeup was done, Sivan offered me a water and said we were ready to begin.
During the Shoot…
Let me say that I was very tense with the first outfit. Wearing nothing except lingerie in front of a stranger is not exactly the most comfortable scenario, especially with everything that had happened the day before. I was probably stiff and awkward, which I knew did not photograph well, and that led to me getting more into my own head, and all I could think about was how I struggle with looking at a camera.
I don’t know how Sivan did it, but she somehow got me to laugh right before I had to change into the second outfit. Maybe it comes from how personable she is, or the fact that it’s hard to stay down on yourself when you have such a wonderful cheerleader. “It looks like you completely relaxed in that moment,” she observed. And I did, and somehow after that I found myself baring my soul to her about all the things in my head at that moment. Between encouraging me, talking to me like a human, and showing me some of the raw photos here and there, I swear I felt more beautiful and empowered as the session went on. I remember being rendered a little speechless with the first photo I saw.
By the time the shoot was over, I thought I was the sexiest, most powerful five-foot girl on the face of the Earth. I walked out in heels and decided, “I’m going to seduce my boyfriend today.” Taking the initiative inside the bedroom is typically not the route I choose, but I was really feeling myself.
During my make-up and hair session, I was told that most girls were sore from all the arching and posing that boudoir shoots take. That wasn’t something I experienced, but instead I got home and ended up falling asleep while waiting for my boyfriend. It wore me out in a different kind of way.
There was a part of me that wasn’t expecting to love the photos of me as much as I did. Maybe there was a part of me that felt like I would see all my flaws, or that there would be no way that I would come off like a sexy kitten. And I remember that Sivan saying that everyone has a different way they portray and come off as sexy.
When I hopped on the Zoom call to go over my photos, I was not expecting to lose my voice. Not that I was completely speechless on the matter, but it was definitely hard to get my words out because the photos were so ethereal. In fact, I fell so in love with the photos of myself (wow, do I sound so very conceited) that I tried to keep way more than I was supposed to for the package I picked. By about forty, and cutting all of them was quite a struggle. I will probably have to save for another one in the future, just so I can be prepared to keep more one day.
Then there was the sharing the photos with my boyfriend. Originally, I had wanted to book a session so I could give him photos for our anniversary, but then when I hinted at it, he said that he wasn’t so into sexy photos. I thought that was weird, because I was always under the impression that men were visual creatures. So then I decided to book it for myself to celebrate turning 25, and when I showed him, he changed his mind. Apparently, he believes these photos were worth every penny, and I can’t say I disagree. I will probably be looking back on these photos anytime that I feel down on myself so that I’m reminded of how amazing I am.
If You’re Considering It, Here’s My Why You Should…
Do it! You are the longest relationship you’ll have in your life, so you have to learn to love yourself and the skin your in. If you struggle with your self-image, it might help you to see how someone else sees you, or how a camera lens sees you. It might just make you love yourself a little more. I’m probably going to do it again when I get close to being 30.
The photos I posted here are pretty tame, but I like how these photos of me in this extravagant robe fit in with my fairy tale fantasies. I purposely chose the ones that didn’t reveal too much of my nipples. Plus, there is the air of mystery that comes with modesty, and I know my boyfriend wants to save the goods for himself.
Would it be conceited of me to ask for your thoughts when it comes to boudoir sessions? What ways do you invest in yourself? Is there a way that you build your confidence that people don’t commonly talk about? Tell me in the comments below!
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