I think there were a lot of people who were looking forward to 2021. They had hopes that this would be a better year, that the clock would turn midnight and COVID would be like an unwanted dinner guest and say, “Oh, is that the time? I should get going now.” While I wasn’t expecting things to be fixed so easily, I also wasn’t expecting to have a rough start to the year.
I’ve been quiet recently because my grandpa passed away of COVID complications, and it’s a loss that has been messing with my head. And then in the process of preparing this blog post, I got into my first car accident. It seems that 2021 is going to be the year that my life gets shaken up. Hopefully, I can strap in and hope that it works out for the best.
Something that both of these events have in common is that they have made me appreciate the opportunity that I have in life so much more. Maybe that is a common effect of death and near-death experiences, but I’ve realized more how much I have to live for.
When I reflect, it seems to be a pattern of mine, where I would say “Now is the time I want to commit to myself.” And I do it, for a few days. Then after, it gets to be too easy to fall back into the pattern of pleasing other people, putting my desires and dreams on the back-burner, and just procrastinating because I become tired all the time.
I want this to be the last time I have to say it, this is the time I want to break that cycle. I don’t want to die tomorrow not having accomplished all that I hope to. I’m so lucky to have a life full of love, to have found someone to make me believe that I am lovable, and to have opportunities that some people can only hope for. I don’t want to take any of that for granted anymore.
Let’s live life to the fullest desires of my heart, no more excuses.
Kristi My Dao 